Last week I met a boy, he was handsome, and smart, and kind.
We didn’t really have chemistry, but he was handsome, and smart, and kind… we hung out for most of the evening at a work function.
We chatted, he introduced me to people, and he got my number. I mean, we work in the same place and despite its size who’s to say we wouldn’t, ya know, need to contact each other for something…
That night I went home early, but I was thinking to myself, “now would be the perfect time for him to text me. he could say,
1. nice chatting with you tonight!
2. hope you got home safe!
3. *insert something else cutesy-wootsy here!*
But as I lay there in bed almost pining for a nice guy [who I was not actually interested in] to text me, I couldn’t help but laugh at myself. I realized I was doing exactly what I had warned against in a previous blog post.
these spaces that we then create in our minds can separate us not only from reality, but from God’s purpose. because sin is essentially defined as that which is in opposition to, contradicts, or separates us from God, our untamed and sometimes extravagant musings outside of God’s plan distance us from truly embracing or accepting that which He has for us.
when we dream up our own ideas of how we want things to be, even when they are seemingly innocent, we end up in this paradigm of trying to fit what God’s doing into our ideals. i’m not fully surrendered to Him because i’m then disappointed with what He brought me based on what i thought.
Despite my conviction and awareness of this, I’m reminded of how difficult it is because I so long for things to go my way.
It’s constantly a battle between what I want and what I know I should want; my desires versus His plans. the challenge is bringing the alignment of the two so close together [shifting my desires to align with His] that they become one thing.
Undoubtedly this conflict will exist for life. there’s no human way around it. It is when I’m reminded of my failure to surrender my dreams or ideals that I realize just how desperately important that surrender is.
Without it I’m disappointed. Without it “it’s” never enough. without it, I’m not fully dependent or accepting of His plans. Ultimately without it, I’m not fully dependent on or accepting of Him.
It’s one thing to know that His plans for me are great. It’s another thing to believe. but even more difficult is it to live out the expectation that His plans are better and He is greater than anything I can dream up or imagine myself.
The next morning he texted me. despite the fact that I had been looking forward to hearing from him, having built it up in my mind, when I saw that text appear I had to pray that I would not become so enamoured with the idea of him that I would become distracted from my commitment of “yes God, you can have my whole life.
I want you to write my love story [blah blah blah]”. the truth is that that is my greatest desire and I am willing to wait on Him to find “him”. I will not buy into an idea I create just because one boy is nice to me or for the sake of feeling good and fulfilling what I want.
It is, in essence, a funny situation. but one that comes all too easily. my weakness in my own convictions reminds me that i need something so much greater than myself to even stand on my own two feet.
LaGuardia is a really bad airport. Its main goal seems to be to sell you stuff. It has a very unintuitive way of telling a traveler where they should be. It’s also dirty. It was a fine airport to arrive to – and quickly leave. Plus if you buy your ticket here they give you this charge:
All those negative things being said, I must give props to the MTA for making it easy to get to the airport by public transit. It’s symbolic, I think, that I entered Manhattan in the back of a limo with free drinks and that I leave Manhattan on a subway train.
In America when you order a drink, like coffee, be sure to downgrade the size you usually ask for. A Canadian medium-sized drink is an American small size.